Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Tagged: How I Became the Mother I Am



My friend Michelle from Flying Giggles and Lollipops tagged me earlier this week and I was quite flattered. To complete this tag, I must share 5 experiences that helped shape me into the mom I am today, and tag 5 other moms I admire.

Here are the five things that helped turn me into the mom I am today:

1. My mother: But not in the way one might think. My mother hasn't spoken to me in 3 years, all because of religious differences. Plus, my mom also allowed my father to mentally and emotionally abuse me; and at times physically abuse me and my sisters for years. My dad was also a substance abuser, and mom was his enabler - much to the detriment of our family's finances: I grew up just above the poverty line. I ended up marrying an abuser the first time, but refused to let my children become victims of abuse. It took me a while, and I am still trying to increase my self-esteem, but I did manage to get out of that abusive marriage - without the support of family - and go out on my own and start a new life.

2. My best friend Sue: Sue had been through an abusive marriage before I met her, and was a HUGE support to me; plus she was my best friend for 30 years. We were both there for each other as a source of comfort and friendship no matter what. When I had questions on motherhood or womanhood (is that a word???) she was always there for me, and vice versa! When my family disowned me, she was there for me. I would definitely NOT be the person I am today without her. I really miss her.....

3. The way I was treated by my parents taught me to treat my own children with respect and to really listen to them. I tried to be honest and open with them at all times, letting them know they could ALWAYS come to me. Even when it came to religion, I explained that just because their father and grandparents didn't have the same religion as I did, it wasn't wrong, it was just different. When they were old enough, they could decide which path they would choose. However, they were being told by their father and my parents and sisters that I was wrong and that I was following the wrong path and was going to be punished by God. They have grown up to be extremely tolerant young men who accept people of all races and religions and have friends from all over. I think I did a pretty good job, and we have a very close and open relationship. They come to me all the time, and we talk about everything.

4. Psychotherapy and medication have played a big part in my balanced view of motherhood. Because of my very difficult childhood and my divorce and the fact that I was assaulted in June of 2001, and suffer from PTSD and Social Anxiety Disorder, I have had to see a doctor and take medication for a while, and am comfortable with that, as are my children. I am very grateful to my doctor for helping me realize that I am not to blame for the things that happened to me and that I am a good person who deserves to be loved and can raise my children on my own to be well-balanced loving young men. (At least in my head I know that... sometimes still in my heart I have doubts - it is a struggle, but I work on it every day, and my children, husband, and friends give me support.)

5. Meeting and marrying my husband Bill was the best thing that happened to me in the last 15 years! He is so wonderful. He is the first person to see ME, not someone's daughter, not someone's sister, wife or mother, he saw me as a woman. No one else { besides my therapist - and I paid her for that :-) } had ever seen me like that before, he listened to me for ME. He made me feel so special and important, like I deserved to be listened to, and like I could really make it on my own. Then I didn't want to... I wanted him by my side to help me raise my children. He made me a better person, which in turn made me a better mother; and he is a fabulous step-father [just look at the photos of him and the boys]. I will love him forever for that.

The five moms I greatly admire and would like to tag are:

~ Maria from Maria's Space
~ Alexis from Running Away, I'll Help You Pack
~ Connie from The Young and Relentless
~ Shannon from The Mommy-Files
~ Noelle from Jumpin Beans

Please head on over to all of these blogs to meet these wonderful moms and you will see what I mean about them. They all have their own set of circumstances to deal with, yet, they are all outstanding mothers, and I love them all, as well as Michelle for tagging me. Have a wonderful week everyone, and a terrific new year!!

Until next year..... Lorie

5 comments:

Connie Weiss said...

Oh Lorie! I could have written that first one. My Mom and Dad haven't spoken to me in almost a year and my Dad is an alcoholic. They didn't send the kids Christmas presents....but I'm sure they had plenty of vodka in their house this year.

We have very similar backgrounds....

Thanks for tagging me.

onangelwings said...

Thanks for tagging me, I hope my post doesn't make you regret it.

I really enjoyed writing this by the way. It was easier than I thought it would be.

We can't pick our own family but if we could I would totally pick you sister!

Shraddha@theselfloveproject said...

thank you for this honest and wonderful Post ..

Alexis AKA MOM said...

what a beautiful post! I think you're an amazing person and mom! I cherish you and that wonderful family you have!

Thanks girlie I'll try my best to put it up :)

Flying Giggles and Lollipops said...

I love your honesty! You have been through a lot, but I can see it made you stronger. You did not surrender, but fought and won! I am so thankful you found someone beautiful to share your life with and all of it certainly made you a wonderful mother!

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