Is it Male or Female????

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You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.  Here are some examples: 

 

 

	FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
	PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
	TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
	HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
	SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
	WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
	TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
	EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
	HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally    handy to have around.
	THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

How to Install Husband 1.0

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I received this from a friend of mine... I so wish I knew who to contribute this to, as it is hysterical.


Subject: INSTALLING A HUSBAND


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as

NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.

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DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0update.
If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the FartingandSnoringLoudlyBeta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend:
Cooking 3.0 and
Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck ,
Tech Support

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The Countdown to Christmas Begins.....

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I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving with those that you love.  I know I did, I spent the day with hubby, Bill, and all our little babies: Nano, Mia, Mandie, Mumbo, and Wiggles.  Everyone (and I DO mean everyone) loved my meal, which made me feel grateful for such a loving family.  Not to mention the leftovers we have for the next couple of days.

But, with Thanksgiving over, that means that there are only 31 days until Christmas.... AARRGGHH!!!  Have you got everything ready, are you still shopping, or are you pulling your hair out in clumps already?

To lighten you day, I'm going to (try to) post something funny every day until Christmas. It may be a joke, a comic, or just a funny photo of one of my doggies (I know there are a few of you out there that aren't sick of them yet).

So let the countdown begin, this first one if for all my lovely blogger friends:

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Stay safe and sane.... HUGGLES!

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The Most Outrageous Way to Share a Coke

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Photo Credit

Have you shared a Coke with someone anytime in your life? I'll bet it wasn't this way. Some engineering students were challenged to see if they could come up with he most outrageous way to share a Coke. Watch this video to see what iJustine, Josh TheComputerNerd01 and a few new friends came up with -- an incredible one-of-a-kind machine!





This made me smile so huge that I had to share it, hope you enjoyed it.

Once you've watched the video visit http://www.ahhgiver.com to share a Coke with your friends.


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Have You Ever Wondered..... Plus a Few Oxymorons

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1. Is it good if a vacuum really SUCKS?????

2. Why is the third hand on a watch/clock called a SECOND hand? 
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is "out of whack" - what IS a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats PUSH their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for SITTING?

11. Why is it called "after DARK" when it really is "after LIGHT?"

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected EXPECTED?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean the opposite?

15. Why is "phonics" NOT spelled the way it sounds? (That one always confused me.)

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to PAY you to do it.

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is BLIND, why is lingerie so popular? (I laughed aloud at this one.)

19. If you are cross-eyed AND have dyslexia, can you read correctly? (No disrespect intended.)

20. Why is BRA singular and PANTIES plural? (I guess it works if you're a Kardashian)

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dying or dead?

22. Why do we put suits in GARMENT bags, and garments in SUITCASES?

23. Why is abbreviated such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? We are just clean when we use them.

25. Why doesn't GLUE stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do we call it a television SET when it is only ONE unit?

27. Christmas is such a strange holiday... what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your sock?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park in the driveway?



These are just some of the things I wonder about when I cannot sleep at night.  Are there things like this that fill your mind? Or am I the only one who has lost her mind with idiosyncrasies? Let me know in your comments, so I have some new things to put in my brain.  =)

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Timely Advice from Will Rogers

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I sure wish Will Rogers, the world-famous, widely popular American humorist of the vaudeville stage, silent and sound films, and most notably his homespun philosophy on behalf of Everyman, was still around. I would surely vote for him this November for President. Here are some of his down-to-earth, no-nonsense sayings to live by.....

 

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: the ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.  (This one especially applies to many of the politicians in my opinion!)

 

 

Hope you enjoyed some sound advice from a really intelligent man, who died too young (age 56) in a plane crash on August 15, 1935.

 

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Yes, People We Have Five Doggies.....

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Bill got this photo from a friend of ours and it reminded me of the reaction we get from people whenever we tell them we have five dogs. It really is hysterical and I fell in love with this photo.

Here are my babies.....



(L-R) Lady Mia, Nano, Mumbo, Mandy, Wiggles

I don't know if you would call us crazy, but how can you resist these faces?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 OK, yep, we ARE crazy, but we sure do have a lot of love in our house!


If you have enough room in your heart and home for a dog (or any other pet), PLEASE adopt don't buy - save a life with your love.

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Fifty Shades of Biting My Lip - Momdot Blog Challenge

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!

Trisha from Momdot has just finished reading "Fifty Shades of Gray" (which she really hasn't enjoyed that much) and says that you cannot look sexy when you bite your lip - something that turns on the main male character, Christian, in the book when Anastasia, the main female character does it. (For those of you who live under a rock.)

So, Trisha has issued a challenge... post a few photos of yourself biting your lip trying to look sexy to see if it can be done. Well, here I go, doing my best, promise you wont laugh, PLEASE. 

 

   

 

Remember, you promised not to laugh at me.... and it's your turn now.  Post a few of your best "sexy" lip biting photos and then link up with Trisha over at Momdot for the "world's most unsexy blog hop" as she put it.

And in the words of Christian Gray:  Laters, baby.....

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Life Explained......

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On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

And God saw it was good.

 

 

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God, again saw it was good.

 

 

 

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.

 

 

My Uncle Ray and My Dad (Don), his younger brother

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.  Hope you enjoy your 80 years..... and then some!

 

 

 

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Blog Hop - Hey Girl.....

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Image Credit

Trisha over at Momdot has been doing some bloghops and I have missed several of them (BooHoo) because I haven't been feeling well and haven't been on my computer much. However, yesterday she started a "Hey Girl" meme.

Now to be honest, I had no idea what this was all about and had to Google it, but when I saw the other participants posts, I truly wanted to join in on this meme.

So post your photos and link up with Trisha over at Momdot... 

I am also doing catch-up with one of the blog-hops Trisha did last week - Get to Know How Badly I Eat by Sharing Your Fridge and Pantry AS IS:

This is the bottom of the pantry that is really a mess and embarrassing.

Hope you enjoyed these blog hops and you join in. I am having so much fun checking out everyone elses posts, some of which make me laugh so hard, I actually snort. =)

Looking forward to the next one.....

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Picture my Hubby ~ Something to Make you Laugh

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A Police STOP at 2 AM

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

 

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Why I Can't Lose that Last 15 Pounds

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Thanks to my dear friend Dolly at XmasDolly (who recently did a blog upgrade and it is beautiful, you have to go see it), I have discovered WHY I cannot lose these last 15 pounds that I have been trying to lose.  I just wish someone had told me this earlier....


It's the shampoo I use in the shower.



When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body.


Printed very clearly on the shampoo label it reads, "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."



I have gotten rid of the shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish detergent.


Its label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."


Problem solved!




It sure pays to read the label!

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Some Humor to Help You Through the Gas Crisis.....

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and MY personal favorite.....

Drive safely everyone... me, I'm sitting around with my puppies with the laptop and watching TV.

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