Saturday, December 18, 2010

Philosophy of Ambiguity


1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

2. One Tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If a man evolves from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

6. I went to the bookstore and asked the salesperson, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the whole purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do Forest Rangers go to “get away from it all”?

12. What do you do when you see and endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get to deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists, they don’t talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a “civil” war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

27. If you eat both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an “s” in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of assertoids?
31. Why is it called “tourist season” if you can’t shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin and oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented?

34. Can an Atheist get insurance against acts of god?

Makes you think, doesn't it???

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