I Love Christmas Post #3

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Q. What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?



A. It would go to a re-tail shop for a new one!






Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?


A. Rude-olph!






Q. Why did Santa's helper see a therapist?


A. Because he had low elf esteem!






Q. How do elves greet each other?


A. "Small world, isn't it?"

 
 
OK, so they are totally sill, but I know I made you smile.... =)
 
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Silly Halloween Funnies

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What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo


What's do you call a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps

What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A wash and wear wolf

What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by its circumference?
Pumpkin Pi

Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!

What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
He was repossessed.



Wishing you all a happy and safe Halloween with those you love and LOTS of candy. 



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Picture my Hubby ~ Something to Make you Laugh

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A Police STOP at 2 AM

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

 

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Joke of the Day... How to Tell if a Fly is Male or Female

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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting Flies" he responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, three males and two females!" he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, and two were on the phone."




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Silly Joke of the Day ~ It's OK, You Really Don't Have to Laugh

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A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."



The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"



"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.



"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

 

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."




The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"




The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."




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Silly Joke of the Day - Go Ahead and Groan!!

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A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.



One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.


The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"


"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender......... "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

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Football Funnies

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{Image Credit}

In honor of the Super Bowl, I thought I'd share these silly little funnies with y'all... enjoy:


~ What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?


    "Give me my quarterback!"



~ What do you call a lineman's kids?

    Chips off the old blocker.



~ Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield?

    Because he was trying to make ends meet.



~ Where do hungry football players play?

    In the Supper Bowl.


Hope you have fun watching the Super Bowl whoever you are rooting for... my team isn't in it, so I'll just be watching it for the game, and of course the commercials.  We will probably be going to our local favorite Irish pub, Shannon's of Celebration to watch it with some friends - if I can shake this awful cold and feel better.  Tell me what you are going to do for the big game or are you just going to have a regular Sunday?

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To Make You Laugh: Scientific Knee-Slappers

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A recent scientific experiment discovered that frogs can be levitated using magnetic coils. Magnets have two poles: the north pole and the south pole. This experiment succeeded by adding a third: the tadpole.

 

Cryptographers make terrible drummers. They're easily distracted by all the cymbals.

Geologists are the only scientists who are glad when their work is taken for granite

 
 
 
Did those make you giggle?  Hope you all have a fantastic weekend. HUGGLES!!
 
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Silly Christmas Funny of the Day..... December 8th

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A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

(Oh, come on now, you know you are laughing.....  )

Joke of the Day - Dodge City's Theatre Group

Dodge City was a rough town. Nevertheless, it had an excellent theatre group. One time it planned to perform the Swan Lake Ballet.





On the day of dress rehearsal, it was discovered that moths had gotten into the tutus. Everything was ruined. The producer placed a call to the Acme Costume Company in Wichita and learned they had plenty of tutus. The proprietor promised to ship the much needed garments over on a special train. They should arrive in plenty of time for the opening.

 

Back at Dodge, everyone was in a big hurry. Someone needed to go down to the depot and fetch the tutus. Butch, the biggest, toughest guy in town offered to do it. So he went to the station and sat down. When the station master saw Butch, he went over and asked if he might be of help. Butch replied, "Thanks, but I'm just waiting for the tutu train." 

Silly Joke From My Hubby

There was a snail who wanted to be a Formula One racing driver. He went to the track and asked if he could drive. The racing team manager said, "Yes, but you can't have a number on your car, you can only have an 'S' because you are a snail."


 





The snail was ok with this, so he entered the race. The race started and the snail's car was at the back, but suddenly he sped to the front, overtaking all the cars to win! As the spectators saw the snail speed past them, they yelled, "Wow! Look at that s-car go!"



   

Until next time..... Lorie

Silly Joke to Share

The sheriff was out to get his man. "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?" he asked. "What's he look like?" replied a cowboy. "Well," said the sheriff, "he wears a brown paper hat, a brown
paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown
paper pants, and a brown paper jacket." "So what's he wanted for?" asked the cowboy. Answered the sheriff, "Rustlin'…"

Until next time..... Lorie

Christmas Joke of the Day #8 - Reindeer Story

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

An oldie but a goodie from Will and Guys Jokes

Until next time..... Lorie

Christmas Joke of the Day #6

On Christmas Eve, Nathan thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be'

Unable to decide, Nathan entered Debenhams and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, 'How about some perfume?' She showed him a bottle costing £75. [$150USD]

'Too expensive,' muttered Nathan.

The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for £50. 'Oh dear,' Nathan groused, 'still far too much.'

Growing rather annoyed at Nathan's meanness, the sales girl brought out a tiny £10 bottle and offered it to him.

Nathan became really agitated, 'What I mean', he whined, 'is I'd like to see something really cheap.'

So the sales girl handed him a mirror.

Christmas Joke of the Day #5

From http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/christmas/funny_christmas_cartoons.htm

Christmas Joke of the Day #4

Every December it was the same excruciating tradition. Our family would get up at the crack of dawn, go to a Christmas tree farm and tromp across acres of snow in search of the perfect tree. Hours later our feet would be freezing, but Mom would press on, convinced the tree of her dreams was "just up ahead."

One year I snapped. "Mom, face it. The perfect tree doesn't exist. It's like looking for a man. Just be satisfied if you can find one that isn't dead, doesn't have too many bald spots and is straight."

Contributed to Readers Digest by Christy Martin, Red Bluff, Calif.

Christmas Joke of the Day #3

Office Holiday Memo

To: All Employees

From: Management

Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season

Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).

1. Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)
3. Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."
4. Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.
5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
6. Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.

From: http://www.xmas-jokes.com/jokes/office-holiday-memo.html

Christmas Joke of the Day #2

The highlight of our zoo trip was a peacock showing off its plumage. My four-year-old son was particularly taken with it. That evening, he couldn't wait to tell his father: "Dad, guess what! I saw a Christmas tree come out of a chicken!"

Submitted to Reader's Digest by Carol Howard, Avon, Indiana

Joke of the Day, OK, Probably of the Week

Taking my cue from Shannon of The Mommy-Files, I decided to add this joke for today. I'm not sure if I'm diciplined to do one every day... Oh, heck, you all know me... I'm lucky if I'll get one up each week... LOL!! But this one struck me as really cute, since I'm a big Disney fan (like you didn't know THAT, either.) It's an oldie, but goodie:


Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him .... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Have a great day..... Until next time..... Lorie

Funny Thought of the Day

It's really tough getting old:

Until next time..... Lorie